Stepping In: Forward

“What qualified him to help my dad was that he was also an alcoholic at one time. He was a drug addict, he lied, he lived in the shadows. And so actually, in life we’re most qualified to help the person we used to be.”  

– Ed Mylett, in reference to his father’s recovery from alcohol addiction.  

I’ve experienced many types of crises throughout my life, from childhood until today. Psychological and emotional challenges came and went, and would colour my growth experiences in a myriad of ways. The initiators of these challenges were quite diverse, social cruelty, and physical health challenges of my own or of loved ones, some were results of my own life choices, and others were an outcome of political and religious warfare. I was broken down by “a thousand paper cuts,” time and time again, hurts that cut deep enough to scar, but not enough to be noticed by others. The relentless accumulation of the hits piled up, leaving me to face the pain over and over, each time finding tricks and tools to dig deeper and heal faster. Over time, handling my mental lows almost felt like playing ‘Truth or Dare’: “Break me, G-d, and let me have this pain – so I can uncover more of the gems you have left scattered across my journey. I will rise to the challenge and face it with joy.”

Despite years of learning how to live with and face my specific mix of darkness, this past year required me to seek inspiration in places I never searched. As crises piled one over the other, the depth and meaning I had to find were of the deepest and most profound kind. My efforts of ‘levelling up’ spread out across diverse topics. My attempts to piece together nuggets of wisdom that would resonate with my soul and lead me toward healing, left me with a need to find order in the midst of the most chaotic mental state I have ever faced. 

I offer you notes from my journey, from readings, from lectures, from my own journal. If you are suffering and looking for inspiration or creative ways to break away from your darkness, you are invited to explore my journeys’ ideas and practices. I pray this gives hope, strength and inspiration to keep those who are struggling from drowning. May all who find themselves in pain be able to stand a little taller, and find more joy in their life. 

Our pain is the door, use it. If you open it and walk through it, if you only dare to endure it, eventually, it will reveal the beauty of life and the unique and powerful truth – that this world is made for you. Your pain is there to guide you on your path to ‘levelling up’. If you embrace its challenging lessons, you will rise. Nothing will stay the same. So hold on tight through the hard nights, keep taking fuller and deeper breaths, keep taking larger steps, and look forward to the direction of stronger mental health. I believe in you – because I walked this path. I believe in you because I know that if you follow the steps I set out before you, you will unfold the rhythms of light that are tingling with excitement and just waiting to enter your life. May you find what it is you are looking for.